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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25801990">33 reasons to never travel with a khajiit</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/V6ilill/pseuds/V6ilill'>V6ilill</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>With Saviors Like These, Who Needs Salvation? [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Humor, Hypocritical humor, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Self-Indulgent, Unreliable Narrator</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:29:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25801990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/V6ilill/pseuds/V6ilill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A pompous elf vestige bitches about his much cooler travel partner, while being dissed by three other vestiges.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Razum-dar &amp; Vestige (Elder Scrolls), four vestiges who hate each other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>With Saviors Like These, Who Needs Salvation? [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>33 reasons to never travel with a khajiit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is confusing nonsense i wrote to entertain myself. don't forget to tell me how much my writing sucks in the comments</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>1.There is fur on my clothes every time I exit a dungeon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>2.Lice and ticks thrive in fur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>3.I am not as resistant to disease as my partner in crimefighting (henceforth referred to as coworker).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>4.’this one’ and ‘that one’ are not adequate descriptors of locations or people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>5.Our great and glorious Queen (long may She reign) doesn’t need more cats. They’re too much effort for too little gain, not to mention lazy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>That’s where you’re wrong, buddy! There’s no such thing as too many kitties! -G</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Gods above, no! You’re a </span>
  <em>
    <span>warden</span>
  </em>
  <span>! You have no idea how stressful keeping pets actually is!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>6.Khajiit thieve. A lot. In every conceivable circumstance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>7.Enormous black carmen aren’t terribly subtle when doing it either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MATE DON’ TDISS KRIB HE’S VERY GOOD.HE CAN KEEP UP WITH ME</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>8.My Aedric Spear is not a glowstick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>YOU’’RE RIGHT, ITSA TOOTHPICK</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hadrin, don’t be an asshole! -G</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>9.I do not need “team-building exercises”. I especially do not need “team building exercises” with thieves, vampires, Nords, other puny humans, hired killers, Orcs, and thieving nord assassins, no matter their lack of a soul.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>WHYDYOU COUNT ME 4 TIMES?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hadrin, haven’t I made it abundantly clear that I DO NOT WANT YOUR ILLITERATE HUMAN OPINION?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>LOL IMMA DUNMER</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>AT LEAST MY MOM LOVED ME</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>10.Sugar spoons and dessert spoons are not the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>11.I do not obsess over the tiniest details. I do not obsess over anything, I simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>pay attention.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>12.My coworker is a former cultist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>13.My coworker sees nothing wrong with adopting random children bestowed upon him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>14.My coworker sees nothing wrong with cave-delving with said child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>15.My coworker thinks I need more supervision than the child.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>To be entirely factual, the aforementioned child does not possess the ability to level a platoon of enemies using hand motions and shouting.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Aureliana Tharn, Vestige</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>By your own argument, you should be locked in an airtight coffin, which would then be thrown into the Abecean Sea.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That was attempted, yes. Unfortunately, my well-deserved vacation ended prematurely when I was exhumed by a certain orc we all have the misfortune of knowing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>That’s not what happened, Ellie!</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Reality is whatever I can convince the peasants of.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>16.My coworker worries over my sleep cycle when he himself snores during the day and thieves during the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>17.My coworker does not have the patience for stealth when murder is “more exciting”.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No wonder he didn’t last long in the Thieves’ Guild.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>18.My coworker has yet to be kicked out of the Thieves’ Guild, despite his staggering incompetence.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>19.My coworker walks around in broad daylight wearing Thieves’ Guild uniform.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>20.I need to find him armor with tail-holes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>21.My coworker thinks I like his child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>22.My coworker thinks that filthy, unclean balls of yarn and second-hand cloth dolls are adequate toys for a small child.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It sounds like you care quite a bit about that child.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>23.My coworker thinks Razum-dar is a sane, friendly and valuable ally.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>More valuable than you, to be sure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie, you’re a hideous creature of darkness and an utter failure of a necromancer. The quill I am writing this with is more valuable than your life. You aren’t even worthy of pity, because you brought everything onto yourself</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>24.My coworker thinks a house in the middle of the Elsweyr desert, surrounded by scorpions is a valuable investment. He cannot seem to get the hint that I am entirely uninterested in financing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>25.My coworker believes that dyeing his armor iridescent pink and lime green is acceptable camouflage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>YOURE JUST JELAOUS HE NEVER GETS CAUGHT</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>26.My coworker has forced me to learn how to purr. The indignity!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>27.My coworker insists that meowing and purring is actually a complex and ancient language called Ta’agra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>28.My coworker does not see the necessity of baths, especially not after fighting daedra in underground catacombs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>29.My coworker compulsively searches through urns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>30.My coworker insists that the gnawed bones and ash piles he finds inside are valuable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>31.My coworker thinks riding a flaming horse through a Bosmer tree-village is in no way hazardous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>32.My coworker leaps from high places with reckless abandon, believing he will continue reappearing at wayshrines indefinitely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>33.My coworker is an immortal, ageless sorcerer who mocks me for possessing a moral compass while flippantly summoning daedra in cities. And he NEVER GETS PUNISHED!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Has Ku’rib read this? -G</b>
</p><p>
  <span>HE HAS, BUT DEOSN’T CARE. VIN IS TOO PATHETIC TO LISTEN TOO.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>See, this is why the khajiit are a lesser race, fit only for servitude.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>ELLIE, YOURE MORE PATHETIC THAN VIN.AND HE SLEEPS WITH HIS MOMS NECKLACE.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was not aware his mother chose to wear a sex toy around her neck. A curious choice of fashion, to be sure.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>DAMMIT ELLIE!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You both should apologize and make up! -G</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>See, this is why I am the only one capable of saving the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Vindriniel of Sunhold, Hero of the Aldmeri Dominion, Chosen Sword Agains the Darkness, Light of Meridia.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As edited by Gruzha gra-Dorn, orc, Hadrin Half-Ear, mostly earless assassin, and Aureliana Tharn, apprentice necromancer, </span>
  </em>
  <strong>[the rest of her supposed titles are blotched out]</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
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